Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Getting into the swing of things

So I've been working at my new school for about three weeks.  It's both better and worse than I expected.  The school itself is better - the kids are terrific and the staff is doing some really neat things, curriculum wise.  In this school I'll be able to work together with other teachers, which I wasn't able to do before.

Being by myself in the apartment completely stinks.  I am afraid of the dark so every night I have to sleep in a position that allows me to see the door and also see my nightlight.  I had to move the nightlight three times to get it in a place that lights the room without keeping me awake.  Every noise wakes me up, and sleeping alone is ... well, it's lonely.  I am so much more at peace with Bear around.  I worry constantly about whether my locks are locked and if someone is trying to look in my window.  I have no tv and no internet (internet comes on Thursday) so I have nothing to distract me from my neuroses.  I can dye fiber and yarn for the business, but there's only so much I can do in a day.  Hopefully once I have the web I can skype with Bear and my friends, but until then I'm just completely isolated.  It's not what I wanted, for sure.

It sounds like I'm having a miserable time and I'm really not - like I said, there are good things happening here.  But my emotions are up and down and all over the place because I miss Bear so much it hurts.  I live for the weekends, when I can go home and just hang out.  Just *be* there, next to him, where I feel most at home.

Is it summer yet?



4 comments:

Fox In Detox said...

Hang in there, kid. What you're doing is very difficult...but hopefully the end result will benefit you both. Skype will definitely make things a little easier.

Alice said...

I'm so proud you're making hard decisions that will benefit you guys down the road. SEnding you a hug and hopes that it gets better. And there is nothing wrong with living for the weekends.:)

Sange said...

bichi!

Kamen said...

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